Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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