soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize