Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
tell me about the eggs
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
