Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize