dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
