"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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