I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
