I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
