How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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