I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
