so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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