We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
