Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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