In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
