I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
