just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
