Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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