no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I understand Curling. That high.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
