i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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