i just had sex bonerless
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
