Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ugly people sure do ruin things
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
