Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
