I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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