i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
