Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
