It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
