Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
