HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
