Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
