well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
