Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I know her cup size but not her name....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
