i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
