My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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