There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
