Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm at about main and main street
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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