theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
