Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
