after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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