Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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