i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
