This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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