Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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