not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
