Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my shit smells like andre
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
