I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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