My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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