Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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