I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The best revenge is premature balding
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
