Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
