So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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