the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
