Quick, to the slutcave!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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