I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want nice things and good sex
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
