mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
