New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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