i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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