She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
