I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
