Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
