Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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