**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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