just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
