What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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