I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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