i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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